i wish i was cool like a canadian. i'm a lip gloss addict. just because i dye my hair black does not mean i'm a damn goth. i like to watch otters. i always name inanimate objects. i'm a hopeless insomniac. cops love me. i've lived all over. my grandma is cooler than your grandma. i can't figure chopsticks out. michael jackson scares the shit out of me. i'll skateboard in a dress. my favorite word is monkey. i like shiny things, things that go fast, and furry objects. i drive too fast, don't pay my parking tickets, and like to threaten small children with kittens. i harvest flowers from places i am not supposed to in the middle of the night because it makes me happy. i thouroughly enjoy adam sandler movies. contrary to this entire profile, i am capable of taking something seriously.

slow-dancing in burning rooms. my riceburner. getting in trouble with my riceburner. painting things that shoulnd't be painted. messin stuff up. real cars that look like toys. kangaroos. making new clothes out of old clothes. pirates. shiny objects. uglydolls. hockey. making art. making bad art. making skateboards. pretending i can play my bass. sharpies. your mom. melting cheese slices on strangers' windshields in the summer. jaywalking. exploding tacos. skateboarding. longboarding. throwing clumps of grass at cars. that springy eyeball thingie on my desk. your mom. the word monkey. real monkeys. real drunk monkeys. shiny objects, preferrably ones that move. putting plastic bags over my head because i'm over the age of three and can, bwahahaha! taking long walks off short piers. music stuff. tattoos. my kitties. your mom. shows. chasing squirrels.

aiden. deftones. team sleep. soulfly. from first to last. eighteen visions. angels & airwaves. atreyu. our lady peace. silverchair. john mayer. garbage. mxpx. hole. the academy is... pharrell. misfits. bella morte. danzig. bratmobile. gym class heroes. david bowie. kittie. no doubt. beck. jimmies chicken shack. horrorpops. snake river conspiracy. aquabats. idiot pilot. tool. tura satana. manhole (L.A.), sneaker pimps. joss stone. pink. billy idol. guttermouth. atmosphere. elliott smith. a perfect circle. nofx. him. lawrence arms. murderdolls. kill hannah. bullet train to vegas. me first and the gimmie gimmies. nekromantix. scarling. jack off jill. millencolin. voodoo glow skulls. ozomatli. otep. my ruin. tilt. my chemical romance. damageplan. richard cheese. icon of coil. junkie xl. less than jake. chimaira. ill nino. reggie and the full effect. faster pussycat. skindive. vandals. thursday. stone temple pilots. tsol. bad religion. anti flag. smashing pumpkins. save ferris. stone sour. suicide machines. mighty mighty bosstones. alice in chains. dandy warhols. sepultura. calabrese. nine inch nails. social distortion. radiohead. mad caddies. tiger army. queens of the stone age. american head charge. nirvana. pennywise. evanescense. glassjaw. slipknot. white zombie. dead kennedys. taking back sunday. oakenfold. pennywise. christina aguilera. pete yorn. thirtysecondstomars. the living end. tweaker. rancid. sneaker pimps. dandy warhols. transplants. green day. moby. the crystal method.

the departed. lucky number slevin. team america. aeon flux. happy gilmore. boondock saints. dangerous lives of altar boys. fast times at ridgemont high. pushing tin. 50 first dates. mallrats. grandma's boy. fight club. daredevil. clerks. chasing amy. dogma. american history x. fargo. oceans 11, oceans 12. super troopers. happy tree friends. hackers. excess baggage. office space. batman. 40 year old virgin.

house. grey's anatomy. scrubs. beavis and butthead. my name is earl. robot chicken. simpsons. jackass. family guy. king of the hill. invader zim. stuff on animal planet. surgery shows!!

things by david sedaris, chuck palanhuik, douglas coupland, richard preston, johnathan safran foer, tobias wolff, christopher moore, max barry, amy tan, chris furman... comics... curious george...